–Avoid trying to ‘fix’ the situation by trying to make them see the silver lining, give hopeful comments, or tell jokes in an attempt at cheering them up. This may have the best intentions but it might make the person feel like what they are going through is invalid.
– Accept the idea that there’s nothing you can say or do that will immediately alleviate the pain that the person is going through. Once you do that, then the next best thing you can do for that person is to be present for them. Show a willingness to listen to anything they have to say. Hold the space for them and let them know that it is okay to feel any emotions that flow through them.
– Offer concrete and practical ways you can help. Many people say, “Let me know if you need anything” and chances are the bereaved may not take up the offer because they think that, “This is something someone says to be nice”. As such, the best way you can offer your help is to be specific with the help you are ready and willing to give, such as, “Have you had lunch? I can buy/cook [insert dish here] for you”.
– If you know the person that has passed, you can also share stories or anecdotes of that person (provided the moment is right, and it’s organic to bring it up). At a time when the bereaved might feel down that there will never be any new stories, it can be very heartwarming for them to know of instances whereby the lost one has touched another’s heart, or to hear stories that they have never heard of.
– If you do not know the person that has passed, you may also ask your grieving friend for stories to know them better (again, provided if the time is right). It is okay to ask, “I didn’t get a chance to know them, how would you describe their personality?” Giving the grieving person a chance to speak about the deceased is a way of helping them process the loss.