Disclaimer: The contents of this article are adult in nature. Reader discretion is advised.
1. It’s okay if you don’t bleed when you have sex for the first time
Many women don’t bleed during their first time having sex. That does not mean they are not ‘virgins’. Women bleed in their first sexual intercourse due to the stretching or tearing of the hymen, a thin piece of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina.
In many cases, the hymen stretches or tears before a woman has sex through activities, such as horse riding, cycling, or any sports that the pelvis is used.
Speaking to SAYS for this story, a woman said that she didn’t bleed the first time she had sex, saying, “I’m a dancer, so I have a very strong pelvic floor. A lot of movements involve me spreading my legs. I suspect I tore my hymen at a very young age.”
Additionally, using tampons and masturbation can also cause you to not bleed when having sex for the first time. So don’t you ever be anxious over this.
You should never feel ashamed over not being a ‘virgin’ in front of your partner as many modern-day advocates argue that the concept of virginity is an instrument to control women in the old days.
2. It is perfectly normal to not go ‘all the way’ in your first sexual intercourse
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It is not uncommon for women not to be able to have full penetrative sex when having sex for the first time. Many women reported having pain during their first few attempts and would stop to try it again another time. This could be your case too.
Nervousness or any form of mental stress can make you physically seize up, causing you to develop a tight pelvic floor.
Whenever it gets too painful, do tell your partner to stop and he must respect your decision.
A woman in her early 20s told SAYS that it took weeks for her to try penetrative sex before actually succeeding in it.
“My first (partner’s penis) was quite big and I was definitely wet. But every time he tried to put it in, it hurt a lot. We kept trying over a few weeks before finally being able to insert his penis into my vagina,” she said.
3. Use protection
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If getting pregnant is not something on your mind, use protection during sex. There are many types of contraception available in Malaysia, and condoms are the most accessible. They can be purchased at most convenience stores and pharmacies.
Be sure to ask your partner to wear one before oral and penetrative sex as well because it also helps prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Speaking to SAYS, a Malaysian woman based in Singapore said she has never had sex without condoms. “It’s simply not worth the risk,” she shared, adding, “I have friends telling me about their pregnant scares every month. This was before I had sex. Honestly, it’s not worth it, especially when you’re not sure about the boyfriend or partner.”
4. Consent is everything. You can even withdraw the consent after you have given it.
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This goes both ways. If you do not wish to initiate or continue sex, just tell your partner. If he does not want to initiate or continue sex, you have to respect his decision and drop your advances immediately.
Malaysian law defines rape as sexual intercourse with a person without their consent or against their will, and offenders are punishable by up to 20 years in jail and liable to whipping under Section 375 and Section 376 of the Penal Code.
On top of that, it is important to remember that you can always withdraw the consent you have given earlier.
5. Establish trust with your partner before sex
Many people think sex for the first time is something reserved for someone special, but don’t let that be a must for you, shared a woman in her early 20s with SAYS.
With that said, she recommends women have sex with someone they trust. If it’s someone new you meet, you can spend some time establishing trust before engaging in sex. When you’re comfortable with your partner, it will be easier to get into the mood for sex. More about this in the next point.
6. Foreplay for more fun
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Men are different from women as they can get sexually aroused from just visuals. Men might rush into full-blown penetrative sex but do remind them to slow down. Tell your partner that you need more time for some foreplay to ease away the nervousness.
Women take some time to get aroused, which leads to the vagina naturally lubricating itself. To have a less- and non-painful first encounter, lubrication helps. Incorporate some fondling, prolonged kissing, and cunnilingus to get into the flow of a sensual mood.
7. Keep communication open
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Unlike the things you see in pornography where the actors only moan, real-life sex involves a lot of talking, especially if it is the first time you are having it with a partner.
Tell your partner what you want and don’t want and she should tell you the same as well. Communication is not just the key to a relationship, it is the key to sex, too!
Prior to sex, you can also ask when was the last time he tested for STIs. Communication keeps sex safe and fun.
A woman who met his partner while studying overseas shared with SAYS that her first sexual intercourse was miserable due to the pain.
She didn’t communicate a lot with her boyfriend at the time, but now that she’s more experienced, she actively tells her partner what to do in bed to make her feel good.
“I will discuss which positions he wishes to try to create excitement in our relationship. Little gestures like leading him to touch me in certain parts or in certain ways help me enjoy the moment further and make me climax easier,” she said.
8. It’s okay to not know what you want when you’ve had sex for the first time
Nobody knows exactly what they enjoy the most in sex when they are having it for the first time. In fact, you might find out that you might not even be attracted to men. Everyone takes some time to explore and discover their sexual orientation. So don’t be afraid of sex and let the experience lead you to a path of self-discovery.
A bisexual woman in her mid-20s told SAYS that she always wanted to have sex with a woman but her first relationship was with a man, and that made her even more curious about sex with women.
When she finally had it with a woman, she experienced orgasm for the first time, something she had never had with her former boyfriend.
Look out for more #sexualhealth stories and tips this month!
From contraceptives to vibrators, and intimacy to abstinence, no topic is off limits. Join us in normalising conversations surrounding sexual health.
Image via SAYS