Disclaimer: The contents of this article are adult in nature. Reader discretion is advised.
1. Nutting too fast? Nut-thing to worry about!
Image via nuts.com
When it comes to sex for the first time, one thing most men will experience is that they might come too fast. And that’s okay! Premature ejaculation is common for a man who is having sex for the first time. It is also common if a man hasn’t ejaculated for a long time.
The reason men ejaculate so fast is that they do not know what a vagina would feel like to their penis, and the excitement of having sex for the first time would put them at a disadvantage in terms of performance. But that’s normal!
When SAYS spoke to several men for this story, their anecdotal evidence suggests that it is not uncommon to hear men coming during the lead-up to penetrative sex. One told SAYS that he was so excited to have sex for the first time at 22 years old that he came after ‘messing around’ for an hour, right before penetration. He said his girlfriend at the time did not mind it as it was a precious shared memory. And being a young man, he said his refractory period was much shorter than he is now at 32 years old. He was able to try it again with his girlfriend immediately after the premature ejaculation.
Sex is a lot about being in control for men. Unfamiliarity is the opposite of control. Sex will only get better from here. The more you do it with a partner, the more familiar you are with her body and your own. So don’t you ever worry if you nut too fast.
2. Use protection
Image via Brook
A condom is your best friend when you have sex for the first time, and every other time, for that matter. Wear one before having penetrative sex because you do not know when you will ejaculate. Wearing one before receiving oral sex can also help prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Putting on a condom also takes off the worry of pregnancy and being infected by STIs. When a man’s sperm is released into a woman’s vagina, she can become pregnant. However, sex should be fun. Worrying about anything else other than having fun is unfair to you and your partner.
One man told SAYS that he wishes he could change how his first sexual experience played out as he and his partner did not have a condom when they shared their first moment together. He recalled that they were 19 years old and had not gone through any formal sex education.
The idea of buying condoms terrified them and never occurred to them. They knew about the ‘pull out method’ but understood that precum could get a woman pregnant. In the end, after much research online through their iPhone 4s at the time, they discovered the option to take the morning-after pill.
Looking back, he told SAYS he wished his first time was less terrifying so that he would have been able to focus on the fun shared experience with his partner.
3. Consent is everything. No means no!
Image via Global News
This goes both ways. If you do not wish to initiate or continue sex, just tell your partner. If she does not want to initiate or continue sex, you must respect her decision and drop your advances immediately.
It is important to note that consent can be withdrawn even if it was given at an earlier time. Everyone is free to change their mind, and the withdrawal of consent does not mean it is a ‘half’ no.
Malaysian law defines rape as sexual intercourse with a person without their consent or against their will, and offenders are punishable by up to 20 years in jail and are liable to whipping under Section 375 and Section 376 of the Penal Code.
A man shared with SAYS that he has many female friends who were once raped by someone they knew. According to him, many of the accounts started with the offenders coercing their victims with words such as “it doesn’t matter”, “nobody will know”, “it will only take awhile”, and “I love you”. Despite getting a ‘no’ from their victims, they proceeded anyway.
Based on his anecdotal evidence, he believes that many rape cases, especially the unreported ones, ‘did not have’ the element of violence in them and they often involved very young women victims. The victims just did not know how to react when they were sexually assaulted.
Bottom line: No means no.
4. If it hurts, lubrication is your buddy
During sexual intercourse, you might feel pain in your penis. This will happen to any man in their lifetime. If it isn’t a medical condition, it’s likely because the woman you are having sex with does not execrete enough arousal fluid called vaginal transudate.
There are multiple factors as to why your partner is not ‘wet’. But if she wants the sex to continue and both of you do not want to feel any pain, lubrication is your best friend. Have a bottle of lube by the nightstand as your trusty companion.
While the men SAYS spoke with did not encounter this problem during their first time having sex, they all said it had happened to them multiple times throughout their lives. All of them now own a bottle of lubricant. One man told SAYS that lubrication also now comes in ‘condom packets’ or sachets, which can be purchased at most convenience stores and pharmacies.
5. Foreplay is essential to an exciting session
Image via The Asian Parent
Men and women are made differently. While you might be immediately turned on by the sight of her, women might not react the same.
Prolonged foreplay would get your partner turned on (to excrete enough vaginal transudate) and be ready for sex.
Fondling, kissing, and oral sex are some ways to get her in the mood. It will also help to get your penis hard in preparation for penetrative sex.
While sharing his experience with SAYS, a man advised that it’s always best to start with foreplay because if a man can get a woman to climax from fingering and cunnilingus, it will take off the pressure for him to perform during penetrative sex. He also said most of the sexual encounters he enjoyed the most had a long foreplay session because the build-up of sexual tension between him and his partner was stronger.
6. Keep communication open
Unlike the things you see in pornography where the actors only moan, real-life sex involves a lot of talking, especially if it is the first time you are having it with a partner.
Tell your partner what you want and don’t want and she should tell you the same as well. A man who has been married for 15 years told SAYS that communication is not just the key to a healthy relationship, it is the key to a satisfying sex life too.
Prior to sex, you can also ask when she last tested for STIs, and you should also share your STI test results or tell her that you have never had sex with anyone. Communication keeps sex safe and fun.
7. It’s okay to not know what you want when you have sex for the first time
Nobody knows exactly what they enjoy the most in sex when they are having it for the first time. In fact, you might find out that you might not even be attracted to women. Everyone takes some time to explore and discover their sexual orientation. So don’t be afraid of sex and let the experience lead you to a path of self-discovery.
A transperson told SAYS that they did not know what their sexual orientation or gender identity was when they first had sex with a man. It was a long journey for them to discover who they were meant to be, which they said can be confusing when you’re young but is a blessing in the long run.
Look out for more #sexualhealth stories and tips this month!
From contraceptives to vibrators, and intimacy to abstinence, no topic is off limits. Join us in normalising conversations surrounding sexual health.
Image via SAYS